It’s been another tough week. I think I can say fairly honestly that I struggle to deal with the general Mediterranean way of thinking. I suppose in all honesty, it is also fair to say that some people are just more sensitive than others and one cannot make general statements. Having lived in Israel for many years already, I have seen some who are exceptional. Simply amazing! But for the most part, I have struggled immensely with the approach taken by others who seem to have little care for you, unless you are lying in a road bleeding after a terror attack – in which case there’s this sudden immense Ahavat Yisrael all over. I cannot understand this logic. It has given me enough cognitive dissonance that is simply impossible to deal with.
But if I go back to realise that it’s perhaps a people thing, and I have to be careful not to generalise as I might tend to do, then it is easier to deal with. Here is such an example: I am amazed when I reflect on my own growth in life and how events occur. Many years ago I was heavily associated with numerous Jewish congregations of which I took a great part in. I would daven, blow Shofar, give speeches, give charity to those in the community who were in need, and give Shiurim. On that last note, I gave hundreds of Shiurim. Some were in groups, some were to individuals – privately. One thing I know is that I gave it my all. I know that because those I taught seemed to acknowledge what I was doing when I taught them. They seemed to have grown.
With all this, I can never forget one young man – at that time of course – whose wedding I attended and who gave much thanks to a variety of Torah teachers he had in his life. I remember I had learnt with him practically every morning for months on end at the very least and while not every morning before that, certainly our learning had gone on for a couple of years at least! While giving his speech, he had mentioned every person who made a difference in his life for the Torah he had gained from them – but he failed to mention me. After his wedding, he approached me and apologised, realising that he had not mentioned me at all. But for me, it hurt. The thing is that I used to give of myself without charging anyone I taught. I guess, that a thank you – especially given at the right time – would have made me feel really special. But it never came. I had been forgotten – already – at the time of his wedding.
Another fellow – who I would even go to on a professional basis for a service he provided – was another good example. While teaching a group of young men – at that time of course – I had asked for each of them to pay a certain nominal amount for the lessons. I really needed to live. I needed to earn something so that maybe I could even buy a home one day and live like an ordinary person – or maybe even buy a car at least! As I asked them, this fellow stood up and walked out, saying that he could not pay me. As before, I would even take his professional service and pay him well for it without question. It never entered my mind not to pay for the service he provided – and I often wondered why he felt my service was worth anything less.
So, ironically, as the years have moved on and I have often turned to them to help me in my own difficult situation in life today- really just trying to get by on a day to day basis and being able to pay the most basic of bills, these same people seem to draw a blank when I introduce myself to them asking if they can help me now. It’s hard for me to believe – and for me to feel that there are people one can trust.
Yet – on the other side of the world, great men – great I say- will find their way to my website (right here – just like you are reading this now). They will see what I am doing. They will see my call for help. They know little about me having not had the opportunity to engage in learning with me or meet me on a regular basis every day – to see how devoted I wish to be in my Jewish studies and growth (things that my “friends” had seen for years on end.) They’ll come through – just like that. It’s a wonder. I stand back in total disbelief and complete respect to their kindness. It’s life saving. It’s nothing less. They are lifesavers! They are miracle makers! The Torah says that one who saves a life – it is as if he saves an entire world. And I tell them – you should know, this is what you are doing here.
And then I turn my head around again – and there they are – the people I had taught so many years ago. I hear not a word from them. I contact them to say hello. I contact them to ask for help. But there is nothing.
Sometimes, it’s funny that way – you know – I used to be a Gabbai and these were Neshamah’s I would give Aliyot to. This is the honour I accorded them. I loved to see everyone getting some honour and did everything I could to always give everyone a chance. Even though I would be doing the davening, making sure everything was in order and doing the leining – I still had to run around being the Gabbai as well (in those days!) and I would take a good look around to see who had had an Aliyah the previous week and who might need an Aliyah now! I loved making sure each was accorded honour! An Aliyah – a moment of ascension. And yet – the years have gone by, and the material blessing I received in my life was hardly comparable to the abundance I have seen to these same people. The large homes. The two cars. The large families. It’s hard to not look – especially when many advertise their blessings through the pictures they will show – whether on social media or other places. Life is a real test sometimes. I often wonder why they do this and why we have become a generation that must shove our lives in others’ faces so that they can see how “lucky” and blessed we are. Isn’t it just crazy?!
So – I was thinking about the start of the post. Rabbi Yossi – in Pirkei Avot – teaches that one should value one’s friend’s money as much as one’s own. Here – he makes a powerful statement! Wake up(!) he says. We live in a world where damage can happen everywhere. Man – says the Talmud – is a Mazik. He is a damager by nature. Wherever he goes, he can do damage. Even in his sleep – he can turn himself around and knock the person sleeping next to him causing irreparable damage! Who would think this?
The laws to become a judge are numerous. I’m talking about a Dayan – a judge who deals in Jewish monetary law.
One of the things that has wiped me out in my stay in Israel, has been the abundant moves we have made. Not having had the ability to buy our own home – an impossibility by all accounts as things stand – unless of course we inherit a windfall, win the lottery, or have a mystical dream that tells us how we can somehow come up with at least 2 million shekels in a hurry. So it looks like we’ll be stuck this way forever. I really mean – realistically – how does one manage to come up with that amount of money when one still needs the type of basic money to live? What is the secret?
The thing is that living in one place is one thing. But having to constantly move is not only disruptive – both to time and one’s emotional well being. But the thing is that the movers have no care in what they do to one’s property. Of course – the law thing comes into play. But practically it doesn’t. Whether it’s people disturbing one with constant music (noise) at all hours of the day and night – or a neighbour taking one’s parking spot which one must pay for – even if one does not use it – people are inclined to take whatever they can.
Each move means there will be further theft. Our last move cost us our entire tool collection as well as the movers taking a bookshelf of ours. They broke a piece of my wife’s art (why – I really don’t know… They simply did it!) They almost through my black hat away as they went to throw out the box (an actual hat box) that it lay in. Wow! How do they do it?! And get away with it?! I just don’t have the means to keep replacing the things that are stolen from us. But they just don’t seem to care. They feel they have been attacked wrongfully. It’s true (they say), you may well have once have a bookshelf before moving – but they could never have taken it. And while you may have had a good set of tools – the fact is that it makes no sense – but they’ve just gone!
Things are never replaced. Once ownership of things is lessened – because people cannot appreciate the value of the other’s money – his wealth and what it means to him.
I cannot begin to account for the value of the damage done to my holy books throughout the moves, with many of them looking like the dogs must have eaten them – by the time I unpack. I honestly don’t know what the movers must do to get them to look this way. But they don’t care. They’re there for their money! And they just don’t seem to care about the value of the other’s money…
Just a few days ago – the neighbour’s cat jumped (yet again) onto our balcony causing a total disruption to our lives with the mess it left. I mean how much mess can a cat actually make?! But it did, and the cleaning took my wife the entire day to deal with. The neighbours would not apologise. It was not their cat that did it (they said) – even though the daughter came to collect the cat herself – which refused to get down the same way it got up onto our balcony (no mean feat!) In fact, on collecting the cat, she said it was impossible for her cat to even jump up so high over an entire balcony – because it (the cat) is too fat. And she then walked off with the very cat she spoke about – in her arms! Gosh!
And then it happened again. The landlord wanted to take back a cupboard of his. Telling us a man would come through to collect it at “x” time, we made sure to wait. But as thought – he did not come then. When we contacted the landlord, he had nothing to say for it, but after much trouble, he told us the fellow would arrive in an hour. The hour passed but he had still not arrived. It took yet another 20 minutes. Another wasted day of being able to get out to do the things we might have needed to do. The disruption is immense.
It would have still be something to deal with until after entering the wreck of the room (with nails all about from the disassembling of the cupboard) I found the Mezuzah to the room lying (neatly placed on a surface). In Israel, there’s a thing that workers do what they must – but leave the mess that they make for the owners of the apartment to clean up for themselves. They’re really professional that way!
I must emphasize – the Mezuzah had been neatly placed on a surface. The fellow had obviously known that he had broken it off its place. Indeed, he had broken the cover. The Mezuzah will be fine – no doubt – but the cover will be less than beautiful unless we replace it. But again – I can’t keep replacing things every time someone else breaks them.
When I contacted the landlord about it, his reply was that “how much can it cost?!” as if it say to me that I could surely purchase another one in any case. What troubled me most is that he is a man studying to become a rabbinical judge. A man who will sit judging other people’s monetary problems – and who will then see with his super sharp fair-judgement – that when people lose – it is the one who has lost who must pay up!
It’s all really coming to a close. I’m thinking of those I gave so much to in days gone by – who remember their bars of soap better than they can me. And I’m thinking of the attitude we have in society today. It says, “My money is important! I have earned it and it belongs to me! It is very important to me!” But when the other loses out – and especially so when it happens becomes of one’s own negligence – we are able to turn around with confidence and say, “so what, what is it really worth? You can buy another one.” And the rabbinical judge will back them up.
Rabbi Yossi knew better. Value another’s money as much as you value your own. There is no greater golden rule in life than this. If one wants to reach the heights of honesty in business and in life – never forget it. When the other is constantly hit again and again with these apparent “small amounts”, it eventually ends up becoming a land of Sodom – a place where theft was legalised because the amount stolen was always too little to have to deal with in the courts. Everyone was allowed to steal from his neighbour because nobody had the time to deal with the “petty” thefts occurring.
It’s a funny thing though. When the “petty thefts” are allowed to run rampant – they eventually turn into greater thefts, where ultimately we all lose out. And then – it’s no joke. It’s painful. Mostly perhaps – because we never even understand in the first instance what is happening. The message is greater for us. Value the other’s money as if it were your own. In this way, all of us will be able to have the things we have worked for or gained for ourselves in any honest manner throughout our lives.
As for me, I see the parking space I pay for each month which I don’t use – will always have the car of someone else in it without payment. Our balcony will be the property of our neighbour. Even my Mezuzot in my “own” home will be the property of the owner of this apartment.
As for who I am – and the value of friends who help one to live – I have seen an amazing thing in life – one’s own friends – one’s closest friends, can be the most likely to never have any interest in one’s life. And yet, a soul from across the ocean can love one for no other reason than because the Torah speaks about the unique relationship that should exist between fellow Jews – loving another just for its own sake, taking care of the other – just for its own sake – and mostly valuing their right to live like oneself, own the things in life like oneself – and being cautious to appreciate the other’s property and belongings as if they were equally their own – and in this way never come to cause the other the damage in life that can ultimately bring a person to lose faith in ever being able to get a start in their own life.
It is to those great souls that I dedicate this post – and thank them publicly for indeed valuing the other’s wealth as their own. Perhaps, in a way – it is even really their own!
